i think you taught me a lot i didn't know about myself.
you taught me to be strong, because i didn't know otherwise. you held me up when i wasn't.
i don't think i made any mistakes, because it all happens for a reason.
i don't regret anything. because regrets are stupid.
we'll all be okay one day, just not today.

i'm considering not blogging on here anymore. i feel like no one really reads it anyways. if anyone is in protest, i guess let me know. but i just kinda feel like no one cares about this.

At the beginning of the summer I said it was going to be the best summer of my life. Obviously, due to the death of 3 important people in my life, the outcome was somewhat hindered. But minus that. I swear it happened. Some of the most amazing people became key players in getting me through the day and they still are. I thank God for those people everyday. I should thank the people, too. I think I will.
I don't understand a lot of this summer but I know for a fact it all happened for a reason <3

time for a rant.

i already had to say a college goodbye. this is the first in a string of four i'm not looking forward to. these people have held me up this summer when i was falling. i love them with everything i have. i want them to know this.
this wake up call sucks. you're leaving in 13 days. you're leaving me. you promised you wouldn't. i know you can't stay forever, but just a year longer. i need you. i need you. i need you. i'm honestly not sure how i'm gonna do it. but i've done more difficult things. i'll get through it. and you will too.
i miss my best friends. nat, come back.
i'm working on building back my relationship with God. this summer made me question a lot of things. i know he's there. and i know everything happens for a reason. i know that. but when your friend, great grandmother, and mom all die within two weeks, you have to wonder what God's thinking. i know that i'm getting through it. but i'm not sure i've really tried to cope that much, i don't know if i even think about it that much. but there's random moments where it hurts so much.
i'm ready for normalcy. as much as i hate going back to school. it brings back a schedule.
i wish going to school for some people didn't mean going two hours away. i wish you'd just stay.
i need some help. i really think i do.

i know more about you than anyone should.
i love you more than anyone ever could.

a month.

its been a month.
it's kinda hard to believe actually.
but i'm living day by day.
i get by with a little help from my friends.

half the time i just want to scream "THIS IS NOT THE WORST THING THAT COULD BE HAPPENING TO YOU."
i understand that your boyfriend breaking up with you is hard.
i understand getting in a fight with your parents is hard.
but i guess i've just had to grow up a lot faster than those around me. and someday, you'll know that there are worse things in life. and you'll understand where i'm coming from.
i don't say this to sound superior to anyone, i don't say it to offend anyone, and it is not said to any person specifically. it's just obnoxious to me, and you probably can't understand it.