point blank.

i just wanna get out of here.

nobody here is perfectly fine.

my mind constantly races about pointless things, dreams, everything, at the same time, nothing.
I'm always creating scenarios of what COULD happen.
I should really learn to live in the moment, because the future scares the hell out of me.

I'm starting to notice.

it happens the same way everytime.
I get a new bestfriend, think they're the greatest thing on earth, and just end up hurt. because apparently, me as a person, gets tiring. I have too much drama, so many issues, a clinginess that's awful, that as time goes on I just become less appealing as a person I suppose.
I'm working on this. I want to make it better. because I'm tired of being hurt, quite honestly.

be ok.

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

things I want.

summertime.
to swing on a swingset.
taking pictures with those amazing photographer friends.
spring break.
some ice cream.
Natalie beshears.
to go shopping.
a phone I don't hate.
boys to go back to things that we used to hate with cooties.
to be 5 again, and to know to enjoy it while it happened.
to make cookies with my mom.
to be okay again.
school to be easier.
to be able to say I'm okay without lying.
the ability to instantly memorize lines.
old friends.
renewed relationships with some people that used to be so close to me.
my mom to get better.
some mountain dew.

thoseare just a few...

im not dumb.

doesn't take a rocketscientist to figure out you don't really love me. don't really care. could give two craps less about me in all actuality.
I'm sick of it. but I'm too dependent to stop it.

tomorrows valentines day...

i don't know quite how to feel about that.
my valentine is on house arrest.
and my other lives quite awhile away.
i hate how i take the effort and time to make people videos and my computers dislikes uploading them just for my displeasure. it's quite.. not good.
its snowed last night. why does it snow so much? i think this is the most it's ever snowed in a winter in my lifetime.

when people don't text me back i get really paranoid. i'm really paranoid anyways.
i have problems.
i guess its good that i recognize them.

i also think i have add. because my blogposts are always alllllll over the place.
my nails are purple. a really nice purple. because my dad let us get out of the house to go get manicures. it made us significantly happy.
i miss a lot of people. but they can't seem to find time in their busy lives to hang out with me. i really hate that. but its something i have to deal with.

so if i don't get a chance to post tomorrow. happy valentines/singles awareness day.
i hope its filled with love and other such mess.
<3