she's gone.

this weekend. i can't even begin to explain.

four o clock. text message. "is kelly campbell dead?"
i didn't know how to answer, because i didn't know. time went on and things began to get more obvious that she really was gone. i've cried the past 24 hours.
we're all a mess. things aren't getting better.
God had to have had a reason for this. i was already struggling and then this.
i'm not sure how we're all going to get through this, but we are.
we're all going to be okay... someday.

r.i.p. kelly, i loved you so much.

it was an extremely long night, but its over, and i feel loved because of the people i was surrounded by.

probably no beach now.
families all coming here.
...its going to be a long weekend.

this should'nt be this complex.
why is this so complex.


everything is so complex.
beach. 2 days.
the living is easy at the beach.
i wish i could go alone, i need to escape all of this crap.
i just need to get out.

i find it astounding that i give up a good bit just to be your friend, and we haven't spoken in a month.
somehow this strikes me as not okay.
the least you could do is give me a reason.
i'm really trying to make things okay with a lot of people for a number of reaons.

mostly because:

tomorrow. isn't. promised.

i changed the way my blog looked, finally, its summer, i thought it might have been time for a change.

summer

two days and its been uneventful thus far.
i'm waiting for summer fun to begin!

...igottahaircutthough.

ignore the fact i look so sketchy, its been a long day.

sometimes i wish it was easy for things to be okay again, but i'm so used to things being not okay, i don't know what going back would do to me.
i'm finding ways to be happy amidst the chaos.
holding hands downtown is good.
school being over is good.
being able to sleep in is great.
blogging for the first time in ever is good.
the beach in 4 days? definitely good.
i'm excited to have a sleepover with jennie on friday, i need to catch up with her.
i just want a donut.
i'm excited at the prospect of a tan, i don't want to get like, mexican, but a tan none the less.
i want to know my french exam grade, but as a result of school skippin, i won't find out for awhile.

i want to get out of here. by myself. and just have a little bit of time where i'm away from everysingle thing that is here.

doing "goodbyes" for the seniors on sunday was really sad. i love all of them, and them being gone is just going to feel like something so big is missing. they say things aren't going to change, but in my heart, i know they will.

thats all the ranting i feel like doing.