i'm sinking to the bottom of my everything that freaks me out.

i had a terrible day.
things keep coming in my direction and my parents think i'm slacking. i'm not. i'm just terribly busy worrying about school and everything else.
i want to escape from this place. concord is getting to be a scene i just don't want to see anymore.
i want things to change in a reasonably soon manor.
please and thank you.

homework.

its going to ruin my social life. for sure.

crumbling.

i like how i can't trust the most "solid" thing i have now.
this all never should have happened.
ugh. teenagers are dumb. i can't stand being here anymore.
get me out.

eight.

eight people follow my blog. I wonder who actually reads it.

this isn't directed at any person in particular.

i need to be needed.i repeat this over and over. but i don't think anyone gets it.if they did.it wouldn't be like this.i'm sick and tired of being in the middle of crap i don't need to be in the middle of, then getting criticized for it.
i love you. i'm sorry. its not your fault. its not my fault. its not anybodys fault. why does there have to blame?
i have this theory that i'm really really going to hate p.e. and geometry this semester. i have a new friend, i like that.

i'm wishing things would go back to the way they used to be. but in some ways, i like whats going on now.
theres a lot about me you don't know. i'm scared to let you in. why? i couldn't tell you. i'm more scared than i appear. in fact, i'm scared crapless, but i don't want to admit it. i'm afraid everything is going to change. i'm afraid the people who mean the most to me are just going to leave. i love you, why would you leave me?

this is all trivial and sad. i don't like it. not one bit.
things are a mess without it being obvious.
help me.

milk.

lets break this down.

homeroom: i have no teacher. what teacher doesn't show up to school on the first day of school?
honors english one: we already have a project assigned. but i do think that i'm really going to like this class.
health/pe: this class is POINTLESS. why is it necessary to run around and play sports for nine weeks? and run a mile in the sweltering heat of august, thats right, it isn't.
geometry: i have a bunch of sophomores in this class. i think my teacher is kind of insane. we had homework today, but there weren't nearly enough books for the class, so we had to do it in class.
old testament: i like the teacher. i like the subject matter. its not boring, i really really like this class already.

bees.

its been awhile since i've had a good long post so i've decided to update for you.

i'm slowly becoming more and more acquainted with the fact i'm really sick of mainstream. because i'm far from normal. or mainstream either. i'm starting to really enjoy music that doesn't happen to be on the top 100 of iTunes. because its good to have something for yourself that the rest of america isn't singing.
its good to talk to the people you love. thats why having my phone back is such a lovely thing.
i truly care and love sarah slusarick. she is wonderful. i don't really care what anyone else thinks. she's my best friend.
i'm dealing with the fact that sarah and josh are leaving me next august. and this is hard for me to deal with. because they're basically 2/3 of my life. in a lot of ways.
i'm currently obsessed with the song hide and seek by imogen heap.
the lake was pretty fun yesterday. i got thrown in the lake twice. almost got thrown off of an eighteen foot dock. jumped off the eighteen foot dock, a lot. chilled in a hammock. took pictures. floated. ate. got sunburnt on my cleavage. seriously the only place i got burnt. what the heck. i'm tanner-ish, now.

school starts tomorrow. this is mostly depressing. but i can't say its been such a good summer either. actually, its kind of sucked. minus a few days, and waking up late everyday. i kind of hated a lot of it. sure it was better than school. but you know, whatever.

things i want to accomplish this year:
1. 4.5 gpa.
2. class rank in the top five.
3. be a better friend.
4. be a better person in general.
5. love and be loved.

floats

how is it possible to have such a good day. then feel the way I do right now? I couldn't tell you. but I sure do know the feeling.

I'm officially melting down.
Don't leave. ever.

I think love is a chance we should take.

but falling for someone who won't catch is very dangerous.
whoops.

back.

i always meltdown the most when i have no access to my phone.

its most inconvenient.

blah.

i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that this time next year I'm going to have to say goodbye to some very important people. suckage.

i'm sorry.

i haven't posted in four days.

i was in atlanta.

my internet access there was limited. oh wells.

i had fun (:
i'm not really ready to be back in the swing of things.
i'm babysitting the cutest kids ever on monday. i'm looking forward to it(:
school starts in a little more than a week. that's insanely depressing.
i can't wait to go to the lake.
woooooo. hoooooo.

things are grossly messy right now.

its been a terrible day.

i can't control anything anymore.

i wish my two best friends didn't hate each other.

i don't know how it gets better than this.

take my hand and drag me headfirst fearless.

i really like this song.

soreness.

i'm so sore.

i had a good time with elizabeth.

i can't wait for sunday, atlanta is going to be fun(:
i'm so tired.

i'll probably stay up late anyways.

i'm wearing a really cute outfit. i like this. a lot.
wow. i'm vain.

should've known.

things are going to be alright.

i kind of feel like everything is spinning out of control.. but i can't control that. so i guess i'll have to get over it.

last night was weird. but it was good in a strange way i guess.
i miss a crapload of people. i hope i get to hangout with them soon.

i'm sore.
i'm tired.
and i'm hungry.

its currently my goal just to get through the day.
(i think i'm going to succeed. good)

i'm tired. and i'm listening to taylor swift. and hoping my phone will ring just any second.
wait. i already said i was tired. i think this just proves how tired i am.

BLAH.

bothers.

i'm bothered when people request me on facebook who i have no idea who they are and the mutual friends i have with them are mostly people i've met once at conferences and stuff.

it makes me uncomfortable.

don't ask why.

i gotta feeling that tomorrow is going to be one good day.

i do believe it will be just what i need.